I have been the worst blogger in the history of blogging for the last two (okay, three) weeks primarily for one reason: I sneakily boarded an Airbus A380 on December 20th and flew into the future, back home to the US to surprise my unsuspecting parents for Christmas. In doing so, I managed to prolong my December 20th by nearly 20 hours, so if the world had ended on December 21st, you could say I milked it for all it was worth.
That aside, it was a bit of a whirlwind: about 3 days in Seattle and 6 days in Orange County, finally feeling like it was actually Christmas because the Aussies are usually more excited about summertime than Christmas and Americans are notorious for over-hyping everything, so Christmas is a much bigger deal there than here. But I digress.
My visit home did two things for me: helped me shut the door on a few things from my past that were keeping me from moving forward, and reset my sense of self by being surrounded by people who know me, past and present, and have a clear of idea of what I can be in the future. I think I had started to lose track of my me-ness the last couple of months here. After some self-reflection, I believe it’s because I had stepped away from who I had been to define who I want to be. I had become consumed by the siren’s song of a complete life reset – no past from which to be judged, only a future as I chose to define it. But I made the mistake of allowing myself to forget my past as as well. I had failed to use who I am as the foundation upon which I built who I will be. What should have been the guideposts were forgotten, and I got a little lost.
Fortunately, there are several incredible women I am fortunate to call friends scattered across the US who showered me with love and attention while I was in various cities, and in so doing reawakened the parts of my soul that had started to fade away. They laughed at my jokes, asked for my advice, gave me their advice, reminisced on our shared past, and were so confident in who I am (even though I haven’t felt like her in a couple of months) that I started to be me again. And even more fortunately, I was able to be surrounded by the people who have known since it all began: three amazing siblings and two of the best parents anyone could ask for. It was pure catharsis being wrapped up in the cocoon of people who know me and take me as I am: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I couldn’t ask to bring the New Year in on a more positive, forward-facing note after my trip. I cannot wait to climb some of the figurative mountains in front of me, solve some of the problems that need to be solved, and throw myself into building something solid and lasting here in Sydney – making friends, finding love, growing my career, and feeding my soul so I can continue this journey of becoming whoever it is I am meant to be. But now I know not to forget to build on the foundation of me.
Facing forward, xoxoxo!