Heavy Thinking on the Train

I had dinner with a group of lovely American girls last night, and started waxing philosophical on the way home. Not sure if it was the wine or the fact that I’ve been out of my comfort zone in a major way for the last 2 1/2 weeks, but I couldn’t fall asleep last night until I’d gotten this out:

I was put here for a purpose. One I have no way of knowing in advance what it might be. Perhaps something as awful as getting shot in the street someday, or losing someone I love in a devastating way. Maybe to create something that forever changes the lives of at least a few, but possibly thousands or even millions. All I know is that I am here for a reason. One that will not be clear to me until it happens. But I know I’m here to create ripples, however big or small they may be. And those ripples will have an impact, and they will forever alter the course of the ripples given off by the millions that I touch, directly or indirectly, on a daily basis. My entire life is readying me for the moment I find out why I exist, why this crazy vortex of choice and chance has put me exactly where I am, put me through everything I’ve already seen and done, pushed me toward something I could have never thought or dreamed on my own. I don’t give destiny all the credit; my decisions and decisions of others have changed the course, sometimes profoundly and sometimes so subtly that I’ll never even know the impact of that choice. But I am here, in this exact spot, for a purpose. And even though it could take decades after I’m gone for it to be realized or understood, I’m here for a reason.

I never subscribed to the “everything happens for a reason” philosophy, but as time passes I can’t help but feel that there is some invisible force beyond my own free will that’s shaped this path I’m on.

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